Our Common Bond

As I sit and write this, my first blog post for you in 2022, I am reminded that despite all of the sweetness and love and fun and safe interactions we have shared during our recent LIVE get-togethers, what brings us together is something that is none of those things.

It is something very deep and it is sad.

The common denominator is our pain.

The pain brought to us by other women who were supposed to love us.

They were supposed to be kind and shower us with loving affirmations about the lovely qualities we had inside. They were supposed to be patient when we made a mistake and gently teach how to do it differently next time.

They were supposed to make us healthy dinners and listen attentively at the dinner table when we shared stories about school while we ate together. They were supposed to oooooh! and aaaaaah! at our artwork and hang it on the fridge proudly and with great admiration.

They were supposed to take us shopping and tell us how beautiful we looked in the clothes we tried on. They were supposed to tell us how grateful they were for ALL their children and what a blessing it was to be our mother.

They were supposed to nurture us and comfort us when we got hurt playing in the backyard. They were supposed to defend us when we were being attacked by the neighborhood bully.

They were supposed to see our very obvious need for a mother and step into that role as best as they knew how. Did we expect perfection? No. We never asked for that. We just needed someone to genuinely care and demonstrate it.

The irony isn’t lost on me that many times the protection we ultimately needed wasn’t protection from some other person. It was from them. Our “moms”. What a horrific blow to our little girl hearts when we realized the love we craved was not available and we believed it never would be.

As we begin this journey together it is new and unchartered territory for all of us. Each of us is at a different stage in our healing journey. I know that for many of you this must feel exhilarating and yet terrifying at the same time. I see you and I validate what you’re feeling. Take your time. I know it is scary to trust women because of your history. You’ve been abandoned, neglected, despised, abused, and rejected in many different ways. By women.

As we spend more time together in this ever growing family of ours I want to encourage you to remember that you have the power to heal your inner child and that connection is a major ingredient in this process. Dip your toe in the water. Then, your foot. Then your leg, your torso, your chest, and eventually you’ll notice that you are fully submerged and floating peacefully. You will learn that it is safe here and the water…warm.

I applaud your courage in placing one foot in front of the other in getting here. We will all walk together and head to a place of new understanding and new peace. We will grow and challenge ourselves to rewire the way we see things and over time ACCURATE beliefs and feelings will eventually become our new reality.

It is my truest pleasure to lead you when I can, to walk beside you during the easier times and to gently urge you on from behind when things are scary or difficult. Thank you for trusting me with your hearts. Thank you for loving yourself enough to begin the journey. I am SO proud of you.

Love,

Mama Miss