My first memory as a little girl is being alone in the dark. Terrified. Searching. Hungry. I have no idea what time it is but the apartment is pitch black and as I look out the front window down at the cars below on the street, I notice their headlights are on.
Mommy is gone. She’s always gone and I’m hungry. I wander around the vacant disheveled dwelling… dirty plates piled everywhere, cigarette butts spilling out of ashtrays and the smell of incense pungent in the air. I need to find food. I make my way into the bathroom and in desperation, grab a piece of feces out of the toilet and take a bite. I quickly realize this is not food and I spit it out. I continue the search to satiate my hunger.
I go into the kitchen and my dimpled little fingers feel along the counter-top. I stumble across a plate of brownies and pull them down to the floor. I eat hastily until my tummy is full and go to the front window again to see if Mommy is coming home yet. I know she is in the building across the street. It’s where she always goes at night. I don’t know what it is, but I know she is there.
Eventually, my body becomes weary and I make my way to the mattress on the floor in the corner of the bedroom. I lay down on my stomach and wait for Mommy. I’m scared. I want Mommy to hurry and come home. I hear my heart beating loudly in my ears but don’t know what that sound is. Is it a monster or maybe the bad man coming to get me and snatch me up? I curl up tight under the blanket and wait, hoping that I can escape into the peacefulness of sleep and avoid the terror coursing through my tiny body. I am 2 years old.
What is your first memory of being a little girl? Maybe it is a birthday party, the arrival of a younger sibling or of a special holiday. Perhaps, like me, your first recollections are of a darker nature. Something more sinister rather than celebratory. We all come from different backgrounds and have different stories, but all of our stories are important. Whether you had a blissful upbringing or one that was full of pain and challenges, there is one common bond that draws us into community together: every child needs the security that comes from an intimate connection with their mother. The Mother/Child bond is like none other and plays a significant role in the healthy emotional and mental development of a child. Science has shown that without it, the child is left longing for it well into even into geriatric ages and there appears to be no expiration date.
Most mothers are not willfully hurtful or negligent. Many provide loving and nurturing homes. But there are those who, due to their own brokenness or lack of understanding, leave us daughters wounded and wanting: wanting more time together, less criticism, more joy, less anger, more unconditional love, less unpredictability, more protection and less rejection. Often times, they aren’t aware of the deep emotional wounds they are inflicting upon us. Sometimes, they are aware but have no idea how to change their actions.
I always swore my whole life that when I had children, I would be the best mother I could possibly be…that I would give my children all that I never had from a mother. I have been incredibly blessed to have several girls come into my life that I have loved as though they were one of my own. My four biological children would tell you that while I’m not perfect, they have always known how deeply loved and treasured they are and they have encouraged me to share that love with others who need a little bit of extra loving from “another mother”. It’s never been my desire to replace mothers or disparage them, but rather, to pour that extra amount of additional love or support into these young women to help them become well rounded and healthy emotionally. I have always been of the mindset that if another woman could reach one of my own children in an area that I wasn’t capable of and her advise, counsel or love would encourage them in the right direction, I was welcoming of it. Like the saying says, “It takes a village…”
It is my love for daughters and what I feel is my calling to support and encourage young women to realize their fullest potential and truest identity that created Another Mother. The need is great. The number of women with mother wounds is staggering. Women are longing internally for a mother figure to fill the gaps, whether they be geographic or emotional. We are creating a safe space where those of us with absent mothers can share our hearts and needs with each other and provide love and encouragement along the way. So whether your mom has passed away, lives far away from you, or hasn’t been able to give you something specific that you need, Another Mother exists to stand in that gap for those times “when you just need a mom…”.
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