Embracing Growth: Breaking Free from the Chains of Past Failures

We all know that life is a journey. I picture it made with a concrete road fashioned from our various successes and failures. And yes, while it's natural to reflect on our past experiences, dwelling on our past failures can become a huge obstacle that hampers our personal growth and happiness. It is vitally important to realize that dwelling on past failures serves LITERALLY NO purpose except to weigh us down.

Let me say that again in a different way. Pay attention. Dwelling on past failures does us NO GOOD other than to very potentially lead us into despair, depression, and feeling we are “bad” and incapable of any “good”.

In this blog, I want to explore how we can begin to stop blaming ourselves for past failures and discuss practical tools to break free from the cycle of rumination. I actually despise the very word RUMINATION because the act of ruminating leads down a deep dark tunnel of mental darkness and hopelessness. It’s hard to pull ourselves back into the light once we have made ourselves cozy in that all-too-comfortable hole. So how do we move forward?

• Embrace the Power of Self-Compassion:

One of the first steps towards letting go of past failures is to cultivate self-compassion. If we fail to understand that everyone makes mistakes and experiences setbacks, we fail to understand all of humanity or the “human condition”.. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a dear friend. Remind

yourself that failure is an essential part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth. Tomorrow is ALWAYS a new day- thank Heavens- and an opportunity to do better and show ourselves that we ARE capable of doing things differently.

• Reframe Failure as Feedback:

Rather than viewing failures as personal shortcomings, reframe them as valuable feedback. Each setback offers a chance to learn, adapt, and improve. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, shift your attention to what you can learn from the experience. BE INTENTIONAL and ask yourself questions like: How am I feeling? What messages from my childhood are dictating my beliefs? Are these messages true or just something I adopted into my belief system when I was young? How would I respond if I heard a friend say these thoughts? Do I truly want to believe the truth? How could I have handled this situation differently? How would I handle it if I had the chance to redo it? What good can I take away? If I were watching this scenario play out in a classroom film and was asked what positives I learned from it, what would they be? Embrace failure as an experience that life has afforded you to use to propel you toward success and personal development.

• Practice Mindfulness and Present Moment Awareness:

Ruminating on past failures often stems from dwelling in the past. Dwelling in the past has been proven to be a sure way to wind up depressed. Practicing mindfulness can help anchor your thoughts in the PRESENT moment. Engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or mindful walking. Journaling your responses to the questions above can be a helpful way to keep you pondering things in this moment and bringing direction to the future. By focusing on the here and now, you can break free from the grip of the past and cultivate a sense of peace and clarity. I promise, but you HAVE TO DO THE WORK, not just think it’s a good idea.

• Challenge that CRAPPY Negative Self-Talk:

Negative self-talk often accompanies the process of blaming ourselves for past failures. This is so easy to do and it is challenging to change that behavior. Replace self-critical thoughts with positive and realistic affirmations. Don’t get all cheesy and grandiose, but DO give yourself the recognition you deserve for your successes no matter how big or how small. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and your ability to not only get back up again but to feel more confident over time. Recognize that failures do not define your worth as an individual (despite what your lying brain may be saying to you) but rather serve as opportunities for growth.

• Set Realistic Goals and Celebrate Progress:

Setting realistic goals can prevent future disappointments. I mean, we have to work with what we HAVE, right? Plus when we stay realistic, it will reduce the likelihood of dwelling on past failures. Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps. Think BABY STEPS. We KNOW that babies rock on all fours before they crawl. They may even Army Crawl before they get to the real thing. Then they hold onto things and stand up. Next, they cruise along furniture and hold on for dear life before they take their first steps. And what happens when they DO take those first steps? They fall. And they fall again. And again and again. Do we shame them for not moving faster? NO! We lose our minds cheering for them and acknowledge the progress they make with each single accomplishment along the way. Celebrating even the smallest victories boosts their confidence and reinforces their belief in their ability to succeed. This is EXACTLY what we should do for ourselves and for each other.

You may say, “Yeah, Mama Miss, but I’m not a baby.” Ummmm, My Darling Girls, in so many ways you are very childlike. Especially in your thinking. When we are abused and suffer trauma, we have a brain that is very much ruled by childish thinking, fears, beliefs, etc. That’s why we do so much Inner Child work. Be kind to Little Her and encourage her every time she has success and give yourself the love, patience, and support you so desperately needed and didn’t receive as a child.

• Surround Yourself with Supportive Individuals:

Seeking support from others can provide a fresh perspective and help alleviate the burden of self-blame. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or mentors who can offer guidance and encouragement. Sharing your experiences with empathetic individuals can provide validation and help you gain new insights. This is one of my greatest joys within our Another Mother family. The sisterhood that I have watched develop between you girls can make me cry tears of gratitude in an instant. To watch you embrace what you didn’t have and DO have now as adults is a beautiful thing. The safety here is healing souls every single day. You will never ever convince me that relationships can’t bring deep healing. I’ve seen it happen too many times and so many of you are living it out as I type this.

So what is the final word?

Letting go of past failures is crucial for your personal growth and well-being. (*insert “Let it GOOOO” from Frozen). I can sing it for you if you’d like. ;) By embracing self-compassion, reframing our failures, practicing mindfulness, challenging negative self-talk, setting realistic goals, and seeking support, you ABSOLUTELY can break free from the chains of the past.

Remember, each failure is an opportunity for growth and resilience. Embrace the present moment, focus on your strengths, and move forward with renewed determination. The path to success is paved with both triumphs and setbacks, and it is how we respond to and learn from them that truly shapes our journey.